free write 001.29.2013

Its so muggy. I like that its warm, but yuck I didnt know my boss was serious about asking me to move to Arkansas for work. I am kind of suprised. I would get a promotion and basically double my income...that would be nice. I have to think of all the things that would have to change or be given up. I wonder what kind of custody issues this would cause with Riley's dad, although I do have the right to move if it means improving our lives....but still I feel that the consequences would be severe, if not in the near future, I fear that at some point her father would feel the urge to retaliate. Hes such an ass. Riley would have to switch dance schools, or maybe quit altogether, she would have to change preschools (which isnt the end of the world)I would have to switch schools, I wonder if my boyfriend would go with us?? Its not too far from home....yeah a short drive, but not bad enough that I couldnt get home if I needed to.Lots to think about! The money would be nice, but if I have no body to share it with, or am spending it on a custody battle, then I am not sure it would be worth it. It would be fun though. The cafes down there are super busy , that would be a nice change from my store. Its risky though, you never know what kind of management team you end up working with.
im sooooooooooooooooooo sleepppyyyyyyyyyyy. 3 am arguements about watching the princess and the frog are always exhausting.....
today is maggies birthday. I am going to make fun of her all day long. she feels old now. ha.
Riley has her doctors appointment to have her hearing checked today. I hope everything is OK.

I am From - Dot Thornton

I Am From by dt0179856

Free write 01.22.2013

My vacation officially starts tomorrow, its all I can think about. I am tired of work and our new boss.  He is awesome, but he demands so much more than our old boss (that's probably why he got fired!!!). Its good that he demands more, it is good for our cafe. The management team knows what were doing, we know all the expectations, but to actually be held responsible to meet them again!! How funny...Our store is in good hands, with this management team we will go places and finally become that training cafe that we have been trying to get to...our old store manager really held us back. Im glad he is gone. Work is now challenging again - which means it is also rewarding.
My sister is RIDICULOUS> she complains about being broke....but blows her money all the time....I dont get it...she complains about being alone, but will never  come over to hang out, see her niece, do homework....silly . I am proud of her for quitting smoking. I am thoroughly impressed ! I need to tell her so, that will be motivation! We all need a little support.
My birthday is Thursday, sometimes my mom purposely calls me the day before my birthday and the day after. That lady is CRAZY. How can you be so evil to your own  children...I think about the crap she has put us through, and I can promise the world that I would never ever treat my children the way she did us...

Intro

Hi, my name is Dorothy Thornton. I go by Dot. I figure I will go by my real name when I am older! I work full time as a manager at Panera Bread. I have been there for almost six years. My job is very enjoyable, sometimes challenging , but always rewarding. Panera offers great benefits that has made it possible for me to raise my daughter on my own.
Speaking of my daughter...

.her name is Riley Boo. She just turned 4 on New Year's Eve. She is nothing short of an awesome, smart, SUPER SILLY, and beautiful little person. When she was born I was scared to death. How the hell am I going to raise a kid on my own??? Little did I know that I was about to embark on an exciting and full of love adventure. She has shown me more about who I am and the strength I have then I ever thought possible. I would go through a thousand more sleepless nights and exhausting work days just to spend one moment with that sweet girl of mine.
I have three sisters and one brother. My family is the exact opposite of perfect. I think that is why I love us...because we are real!
I also have found an amazing boyfriend. He has been so wonderful to me and to Riley. We appreciate and love him so much, it has been hard letting him help out. But we are all three learning!! Things are good!
I am a fun person who sometimes gets overwhelmed with life! That is because there are so many things to do, enjoy, and accomplish. But I have learned that its important to sometimes just chill.

-Dot

Free Write 01.17.13

Im sort of tired I know why, I didnt sleep a wink last night. Maybe 2 hours. I'm finally not sick, i feel like I have been sick for two months straight. I couldnt even talk at christmas...im so glad i am feeling better, now if I could only sleep , that would be wonderful. I am getting anxious about planning our vacation. It is going to cost about as much as I was expecting it too. But now we have to figure out if we are going to drive or fly....after looking at rental cars it seems like that is the MUCH cheaper way to go, but that would mean 11 hours or more with a four year old in the car, that s a long time....even with nap times in consideration...but it would save some serious money.....ugh .....stupid money. traveling should be free- its educational and good for us. Its not about luxury or being spoiled....its enjoying this world we are here to enjoy! Good thoughts...but....that s all they are.
Lyla turns one tomorrow. Ican't believe its been a  year....wow...I can still feel the contractions. No Epideral....DUMB. She just came too fast though. Way to fast..45 mins....thats crazy. Riley took 12 hours, more actually!! Crazy. Interesting - I didnt sleep at all that week either, the week she was born....that is strange....hmmm
I havent sent her a bday present. I have no idea what to get her...but since her bday party is not until next weekend, Istill have time to get something sent to her...What does a birtmother get her one year old?????? I want it to have meaning....but I want her to also be able to enjoy it or like it....I dont know, but I need to figure it out!

I watched this show on Netflix last night, "The Secret Lives of the American Teenager"....its about a fifteen year old who gets pregnant....I love these shows....maybe because I can relate? I didn't get pregnant young, but I have dealt with two unplanned pregnancies... it makes me want to help girls who find themselves in that situation. I was thinking last night, when watching the show, about how much it changes the girls life ....people just look at her and can see that she is pregnant, meanwhile the guy....he can act like nothing has happened, like nothing is going on. I often wonder how guys feel in these situations? Its easy to assume that they dont give a shit. He got to sleep with her. Who cares about the consequences. But , maybe I am naive, I would think the guy would have to care at least to some degree. Maybe not.How do birtfathers feel after their child has been given away? I think that men who have NO intention of caring for the child or of being suppportive should just say so and let the mom make the decision taht isbest for them both.

Free Write 1.15.2013

I have so much to do. I have to pay my car payment, riley's preschool, clean our house, i hate the dishes,  i left wet clothes in the washer, there is SO MUCH LAUNDRY to fold. Riley's room is a complete wreck, she has so many toys. why is her birthday the week after christmas. like we need anymore toys. I need a bigger house, but were getting new carpet, why should we move!!!! its just too small. Rileys room is crazy that girl needs TWO rooms. maybe she needs less stuff! but she has so many people who love her and like to spoil her....I dont know what to think. we need to get the paint off the porch too, my landlord would not like that at all. and i need to tell him about the heater making monster noises . I need to finish working on the schedule at work, how am i going to do the associate s schedule, work full time, be a mom and do well in my classes this semseter?? thank god its almost spring time, thats motivating! this summer we need to go camping - I dont care if its too hot. Im going, ill go by myself if I have to!!! I wonder how mags is doing at school She always takes on too much . I hope she doesnt do that this semester.... we are so excited for our vacation this summer. theocean. riley will be so cute in her little swimsuit !! she is sort of a beach baby. its going to be so fun. I have a lot of planning to do and I have to figure out how much money I can spend on our trip. Shoudl we drive? Should we fly? Could Riley handle being in the car for 10 or more hours??? COULD I handle that???? I wish it was warmer outside, i thnk Riley is going crazzy being inside so much. But she is getting so good at writing her name!!! and her numbers , and sounding out letters and even a few words. Im so proud of her.I cant believe she is four!!!!!!!!!!!! How did we make it?? the first few years were so hard, on our own, but we did it. Good job us. Thank you Panera for my job that has let me provide for her these last few years...If I didn't have that job I dont want to even think about where we would be right now......thats scary. Its motivating to think of how well we have done....I wonder how much better things are going to get for us..